Hey!
I found an old notebook with former poems in it! I must admit, I think I was better at this back then, haha 
Ephesus
January 2006
This was while one of my churches was engaged in the “Divine Adventure…” It was a journey of humbling ourselves, repenting, and seeking His face…basically 2 Chronicles 7:14. However, I wrote this out of frustration…yes, probably anger; because my other church was against such things, and was journeying to a place that I believed was cheap grace. Repentance became an enemy. So in confusion and frustration I wrote this! It was a season of (hopefully) holy dissatisfaction.
They say we’re enough
They say He’s pleased
They call it grace
I call it apathy
They say He’s here
In an every-day anointing
If this is all there is
It’s terribly disappointing
They say to repent
Because of all my trying
They say that He’s proud
But what if He’s crying?
What has happened to the first love?
Does God smile from up above?
Does His great heart break every day?
Have we turned and looked away?
We hear “no faults, only grace”
But not “I’ll remove your lampstand from its place.”
I believe in His grace
I rely on His love
I see the sin
He saves me of
Now its an excuse
We’ve made a padded truth
We’ve formed a complacent
And comfortable youth
We’ve been called
To come and die
There’s more than this
So let me try
Irony
December 2006
This had music to it once. I wrote it on my knees one night…partly inspired by Faith Enough by Jars of Clay…I was obsessing over paradoxes!
This peace disturbs
This silence screams
But if it brings me to my knees
This love, it kills
These thoughts confuse
Finally all of me I lose
This whisper disrupts
This grace alarms
But if it leaves me in Your arms
This is where I wanna be
Dwelling in Your irony
It’s alright, it’ll be okay
If with You, I will stay
The road is hard
The yoke is light
If You send fire by night
The unknown guides
The pain sets free
If You promise You won’t leave me
From rejection; trust
And beauty in tears
If You help me through my fears
This is where I wanna be
Dwelling in Your irony
It’s alright, it’ll be okay
If with You, I will stay
Though I may not understand
What’s going on, I’m in Your hand
So as I let You mess me up
I will simply try and learn to trust
Applejuice
November 2006
I had a friend whose code name was Applejuice. He was my little prayer burden boy. Though he was a little older than me, I knew that he had no Godly mother to pray him into the Kingdom, so I tried to take up the mantle. I haven’t heard from him in years, but pray that all those prayers years ago did some good!
You once told me your biggest fear
Was people missing you when you’re near
Treasured one, if you just tried
To open up those tired eyes
I think that you would finally see
That’s exactly how its come to be
Applejuice spilled on the floor
I don’t know you anymore
The mop may hurt, but in the end
It’s how you mend, you’ve got to mend
Your anger is getting in the way
It takes away your strength to pray
You once revealed a sad cliché
Surrounded, so alone anyway
I know it hurts, it hurts me too
There is a way to be brand new
Applejuice spilled on the floor
Please don’t run anymore
You know what I think, you know what I’d say
Redemption is found in His name
Self Aggravation
From years ago
I say You take my breath away
As I sit here breathing
I say my heart’s on fire for You
As it painlessly is beating
I tell You that You’re captivating
As my mind is far away
I say I forever want to be with You
In my one prayer time a day
A Stirring
This is supposed to be a sonnet, but I don’t think I got the meter quite right. I didn’t try too hard In fact a lot of it doesn’t even technically rhyme, and its not amazingly and beautifully poetic….I even used a word that apparently doesn’t exist…but I just had stuff I wanted to say, so I did
I feel You calling, stirring, begging me
These things inside me ache and groan for You
I’m challenging all that I once called free
Cause what is freedom without knowing You?
At times I close my eyes and feel a stir
There’s so much more desire that I need
This life goes on; a feelingless big blur
I want to think of You just like I breathe
I feel You calling; “will you come away?”
I hate the way my head feels in this world
In my confusion, hear what I would say
I want to live in love with my good Lord
Behold something I do not want to fear
Just knowing You and growing ever near
Over Thinking
You ran oh, so far away
Finally got up the guts to step on that plane
You met freedom; smacked you face to face
So your heart is whole, its been replaced
But now that your dead heart beats again
You must deal with these feelings within
You’re attaching deeply, it foresees pain
Why must fear always come with gain?
Who knew you could fall in love with a group of people so fast?
They’re loving you back like never before, you long for it to last.
But because of the depth of your feelings; how desperately bad you miss each one,
You can only see one outcome, the setting of a sun.
Is loving deeply so horribly wrong?
Or are you simply filling a need, a hole that’s been there too long?
Is God rejoicing in this overwhelming new joy
Or are you using others like a fill-my-void toy?
You know you are longing for Christ today
And you’re tired of living in fear that loving deeply means getting it taken away.
So get on your knees child, let me hear you pray.
Your heart is whole again, but it can easily sway
Those feelings that you ran from are coming back strong
The arms length didn’t go slowly, it collapsed all at once
Now years’ worth of deficit is begging to be filled
These people surrounding you with their love has got you thrilled
I hate the confusion in your over-thinking little mind
All I can do is pray you deal with your love right this time
I don’t know how much of your loving is really okay
And I don’t know His policy on giving and taking away…
But I know that He’s worth trusting, so breathe at ease
Please, just let this disquiet and confusion cease.
Eye of the Storm
After a night of travail…amidst striving for high standards and Kingdom ways…a moment of peace in the prayers of the person trying to call me up…
There is a field of green
In the middle of your busy street
So will you come and seek it out
And tarry a while with me?
~~~
Check your bags at the door
You don’t have to carry them any more
For my load is light, not filled with stones
And you won’t be carrying this one alone
~~~
Have you ever felt the sweetest peace
Accompanied by the Great Release?
Do you even stop and have time to think
And hear my shepherd’s voice as it speaks:
~~~
Check your bags at the door
you don’t have to carry them any more
For my load is light, not filled with stones
And you won’t be carrying this one alone
As Time Goes On
From a dream I had over a month ago…
**********
You found your way into my dreams last night,
You sought me out to say everything turned out right
Because you’d found your girl with water blue eyes
You’re so glad you left so you could find new delight
~~~
But it’s alright
I’m alright
Because I’m in a hand
That has a stronger hold on me than you ever can
And with or without you by my side
I’m headed to the Promised land.
~~~
The moon was incredible tonight
And it’s not me you longed for at the sight
It’s no longer my beauty you say outshines its light
But I trust in God, it will turn out right
~~~
It is God that has got a hold on me
Not my past, or what could come to be
I’m defined by His love this time
I love and miss you, and I might cry
But I’ve found freedom here on the other side
~~~
I still remember the words I spoke that day
My heart was breaking as I felt you drift away
I wish I could take them all back; erase the pain
The things you’ve done I forgave, I hope for me you’ve done the same
woo! dibor
today i saw joseph g. joe g, that guy was awesome, and is in china for jesus. jesus loves joe g. and jesus loves me, in agape love way. hooray for agape i hope joe g keeps us posted.
33 live had God in it. jenny leaded worships for awhile. joe is still in china for a year being a good human for jesus. joe cook is cool too. joe g and joe c
by a fellow diborian student, my dear brother Ethan!
