Pursuit of the Holy
I don’t get it.
If the true purpose of our lives is to know God, and be intimate with Him…why do we spend most of our time doing other things? It just doesn’t make sense. How do we search Him out with all of our hearts, when we spend more time doing other things? Can someone explain this to me? Because I feel stuck in it, and I want to know what to do with my life. I know by the ache inside that what they say is true…I am made to know Him. So tell me…who actually, truly lives only to know Him? Who breathes to be with Him? How do we change? Somehow we must, right? I cannot live like this. Our lives do not line up with our claims…our values are nothing like what we say. Why am I too busy to pant like a deer…when my heart is crying out for Him?
Where do I step from here?
“The question is not, ‘what do I think my calling is here on earth?’ The true questions we ought to be asking are ‘Why did God create me? What is my eternal calling?’
Every one of us, regardless of gender, occupation or age, is called to know God intimately and search Him out fervently with all that we are. We were made by God for God. Period. We were made to search Him out.”
-Corey Russel, Pursuit of the Holy
Glass heart
I woke up earlier than I wanted, but I just began to pray and think before I went back to sleep. I was asking God for His comfort, that He would embrace me and as He held me in His arms, that the strength of His heart would flow through into mine. See, a few nights ago I came across Psalm 73, and I have been thinking about some verses from it since. (21-28: Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet still I belong to You, you hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but You? I desire You more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart, He is mine forever. Those who desert Him will perish, for You destroy those who abandon You. But as for me, how good is it to be near God! I have made the Sovereign LORD my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things You do.)
So as I thought about these things, I let my mind travel a bit. I try to imagine things that will keep me focused on God and apply to my current thoughts; I must admit it doesn’t work very often, but it is a desperate attempt to focus my seriously overused brain. At IHOP they say that our imagination is from God and all of our imaginations are meant to be prophetic and results of God speaking to us. Unfortunately, however, as human, most of ours end up being vain imaginations. I must say I agree with that! However, I think this might have been a good one. I was thinking about my heart, and Him being the strength of my heart. But to be honest, my heart is broken. Or rather…more like it’s hopelessly shattered. I was trying to think of what it must be made of, because I ask God to be its strength, but it is so flimsy…it must be glass. So how is He the strength of my heart if it is so weak, and currently a shattered mess? Then in my mind, I saw His kind hands pick up the pieces of glass that used to be my heart…and He began to put them back together, like He was gluing them.
Somehow I knew the picture wasn’t complete yet…and I thought…pieces of glass are sharp! So the kind hands began to bleed from grabbing the rough parts of my heart. They bled more and more, and as my glass heart began to take form again, his blood flowed down inside every crack where there used to be a break. It hurt Him to repair me, but the strength of His heart…His lifeblood…flowed out right into my very heart to transfer His strength right into mine. His blood was the glue. Ironic…as I am typing this, I have my music on random, and what song comes on? “Take me, mold me, use me, fill me, I give my life to the Potter’s Hand.” He is embracing me and transferring the strength of His heart into me, simply by taking His loving hands and reforming what has been damaged. By bleeding. I’ve scarred His hands again. How He loves!
Isaiah 49:16
Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.
I’ve Not Yet Bled
There was an amazing teaching at my college age church tonight. We were reading out of Hebrews 12, and talking about “fixing your eyes” on Jesus amidst a world of distraction (Lord help me!) and running the race with perseverance. Now usually I think I try pretty hard to focus my mind, because I know the dangers of distractedness. However, a scripture that was read really stuck out to me for the first time:
Heb 12:4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
Whoa!! No way have I shed my blood struggling against sin. Especially against simple lack of fixation on the right thing. But, as was pointed out…Jesus did. He resisted to the point of shedding His beautiful blood. The amazing thing to me is that the first time His blood was spilled was not on the cross under persecution. No…it was in Gethsemane, when He was trying to focus on “not my will, but Yours be done.” He sweat blood trying to fix his eyes. And who was He thinking of when He decided to face this thing? Who was His focus? God, you and I. Right? If Jesus will sweat blood to focus on His Father and the goodwill of me, how much more should I be able to focus on Him? And so I was trying to focus…trying to picture something that would hone in my mind and hopefully humble me. And so I tried to picture Him bleeding there in the garden, and me where I would want to be…holding His head, being in His arms. It was a confusing picture indeed, because I wanted to comfort Him, but I was the one causing the bleeding. Anyways, I try to stay away from non-christian music, but I have been exposed to a song in particular that has an impacting dance done to it. Now not the whole song applies, but as I was picturing this thing, this line came into my mind…
I keep bleeding love.
Jesus did.
So I looked up the lyrics, and found that there are a few more parts that apply as well. Imagine the scene when He was at the garden, or being led to His death, or even up on the cross as He thought of us and resisted sin to the point of shedding His blood (how He loves us!!):
Trying hard not to hear, but they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling
But nothings greater than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I’m going crazy; maybe, maybe
But I don’t care what they say, I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away, but they don’t know the truth
You cut me open and I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love…
And it’s draining all of me
Oh,they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars for everyone to see
You cut me open and I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love…
Think of Him facing this thing because He could see our faces, and endured it for “the joy that was set before Him.” They yelled, they told Him He was crazy, they tried to pull Him down, He had scars to show Thomas, His life was drained, He was alone in this world…but He looked forward to intimacy with us, and to Him it is the greatest thing, other than intimacy with His Trinity I’m guessing! And so we cut Him open and he kept bleeding love…
Lord, why? We don’t deserve.
I listen to this song and have a pity party and think I bleed love when I miss somebody. Talk about “get over yourself” and realize that you never have resisted to the point of shedding your blood and Jesus suffered so much.
REWIND! REFOCUS!
God have grace…
…and thanks…
A Reason To Rejoice
1 Chronicles 29:5 David asks “who then will offer willingly, consecrating himself today to the Lord?”
Consecrate (according to Webster’s):
1. To induct (as a bishop) into an office with a religious rite
2. To make or declare sacred
3. To devote solemnly to a purpose
1 Chronicles 29:9 Then the people rejoiced because they had given willingly, for with a whole heart they had offered freely to the Lord. David the king also rejoiced greatly.
The people had lived out David’s charge to Solomon in 1 Chronicles 28:9 (which you should really check out if you haven’t, it is a good guide on how to live life!). And they found that when they gave willingly, they overflowed with joy. Its such a beautiful picture. Really, it seems rare, because its not too often that we don’t have regrets about how much more we could have done; like we held nothing back. Perhaps they had expected to feel a sting over how much worldly wealth they had given up, or perhaps they had not feared it at all. But either way, when they gave joyfully, they found themselves rejoicing. That seems like no small feat, especially amidst all the times Israel (or all of us) have turned from God and displeased Him. But finally…finally they had done something so pleasing and good for their God, with a whole heart; they did it with beautiful motives. What a reason to rejoice! They were in unity so it would seem, for it doesn’t say, “with whole hearts,” but “with a whole heart.” There was no part of their hearts that wasn’t focused and offering and glad to do it. Also, I can’t help but think that at the same time they were being completed. My parents have told me that a healthy relationship is not two people trying to complete one another, but two whole people just enhancing one another. These people’s heart was whole. Perhaps the glory and joy of the moment was the fact that no side circumstance was making these people fragmented, but everything else had faded away and they were finding themselves completely in the LORD and serving Him. What joy there is in giving to the LORD with abandon, and consecrating yourself to Him! The people probably knew that now they stood out to God. They were devoted to His purpose. They were declared sacred. What joy there must be in that! In knowing they had done something right, and for at least a moment, their heart was completely in the right place. If I felt that, I bet I would rejoice to! To have no doubt about where my heart and attention was at! I would weep for joy, or dance! No wonder they rejoiced! It is what we are created for, to serve God with all our heart. Perhaps they finally found the satisfaction of living out their purpose. Perhaps they caught a little glimpse of Heaven on that day. Especially since when David began to pray, he said many of the same sort of things as the elders before the throne do. (1 Chronicles 29:10-12 and Revelation 4:11) Yet still in humility David asks “But who am I, and what is my people, that we should be able thus to offer willingly?” He is in awe that God would allow them to do so and have pleasure from it, since He owns all things. David is not proud, but instead blesses the LORD and stands in awe. And what gladness they had on that day! How right things seemed to be! And he prayed for his people, that their hearts would always be postured like they were on that day.
I want mine there too! Please God! Teach me to offer with a whole heart!
Singleness of Purpose…
1 Chronicles 12:33
Of Zebulun 50,000 seasoned troops, equipped for battle with all the weapons of war, to help David with singleness of purpose.
1 Chronicles 12:38
All these, men of war, arrayed in battle order, came to Hebron with full intent to make David king over all Israel. Likewise, all the rest of Israel were of a single mind to make David king.
This just struck me, first when I read of their “singleness of purpose.” Their only purpose. Even before I read it, I had had a Misty Edwards song stuck in my head that says “give me dove’s eyes; give me undistracted devotion for only You.” Apparently doves can only see one thing at a time. And it seems that at the time of David, Israel had dove’s eyes. Both passages speak of great numbers of people that have only one goal: to see this man they adored become king. How much more should our only goal be to see God’s kingdom come? If people past can have such love and devotion for a mere man, and have such a desire to see him reign, how much more should we today have a desire to see the one and only Universe-breathing God reigning. In our lives, in our friends lives, in our schools, in our churches, in our cities, in our nations?
Also, what is common of all the men mentioned? They are armed and ready, expecting a vicious battle. They will fight and possibly die to see David given his rightful rule. It reminds me of the verse that says, “The Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.” Obviously we can’t just sit back and hope for His Kingdom to come, just like David’s men’s single purpose wasn’t to sit at home and hope that David became king. It was their “full intent.” They were intentional. There was no other point, no other goal; and they had faith, too. Because if they didn’t believe it would happen, they wouldn’t stake their lives on it and pursue it so passionately, would they?
Imagine what it would be like to have all of a tribe, a nation, really…with a united mind with only one purpose on it. Who could withstand all of Israel when they made up their mind to do something; especially something backed and supported by God? None could come against that. So what if all of my town made up their mind, in complete unity, to see God’s kingdom come? Truly, it feels like a far-fetched hope. But what if? What if every citizen longed, lived, and breathed for Christ to be the only ruler and Lord of this place? Interesting to think of around election time. What if the people we placed in power in our state were after God’s own heart? What would it look like if the number one desire on all of our hearts was to see His kingdom come? Who could stop that? I bet we would reach out more…that it would look more like love, because God is love. What if…what if our entire nation were of a single mind?
God, You are king, none can take that from You, but give us singleness of purpose to see Your kingdom come, on earth as it is in Heaven.
P.S….oh man I’m all freaked out now. Sweaty palms! God, how You work in mysterious ways. As I was going back over this post to proofread, I’m reading over the part about what if our city were of singleness of mind to see God reign here? So the phone rings, and I check the caller I.D. Of course, who would call but THE CITY OF LONGVIEW?! What?! I mean, it was the local library, but why would my city call me as I’m writing such things? Oh Lord, continue to wake us up, and have your way here! THE CITY OF LONGVIEW IS CALLING!! Who will answer? I pray I will do my part.
When did you last let your heart decide?
We’ve all seen it on Disney. Jasmine finally lets her heart decide…and she lives happily ever after. Just follow your heart, right?
WRONG.
Get this! Though it is common advice we give to one another, it’s leading us farther and farther away from God. Remember Noah, and how fast the earth got corrupted? Well around that time God let us know something…He said,
“…the intention of a man’s heart is evil from his youth.” Genesis 8:21
So if our hearts are wicked, why are we telling each other to “follow” them? What will they lead us to? In fact, God even speaks about following our hearts word for word. As if knowing they are evil from youth is not enough, (which really I can’t argue with, no matter how good I want to believe I am, I am constantly horrified by the things whispered in my heart), listen to how He describes following our heart. He knows our very natures, and so He commands the people of Israel to wear certain tassels to remind them of God’s laws…to encourage them in righteousness. He says:
“And it shall be a tassel for you to look at and remember all the commandments of the LORD, to do them, not to follow after your own heart and your own eyes, which you are inclined to whore after.” Numbers 15:39 (ESV)
Whoa! So…following our hearts is really…whoring?
Man, Disney messed up.
Again, God speaks. He tells the people in Jeremiah that their “prophets” have spread ungodliness through the land. How? By telling the people that things will be just fine when they “stubbornly follow their hearts.” Jeremiah 23:15-17.
Obviously that means there are consequences, too.
So this kinda has me a little messed up. I’m scared that in my every day life I am following my heart. But David prayed that God would create in him a pure heart…so I guess that is where I shall start too. (Psalm 51:10)
So…really…can it be that bad? And is everything we desire wrong? And by golly…how do we fix it?! I think the secret is this…
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
See, I think most people cling to the last part of that sentence, but don’t quite realize the importance of the first. If we are delighting ourselves in the Lord, our hearts will be transformed, will they not? It’s not just about getting what we want. Its about delighting in the Lord! Because when we delight in Him, the things He loves, we will love…the things He hates, we will hate. Our desires will transform into His, won’t they? So really…if we are delighting in Him, then He will give us the pure, holy things that he delights in…the things that will be in our hearts.
That is my only hope. I delight in Him, but not enough…so I can only pray “let me fall more in love with you”, and that the desires of my heart that I’m believing for are pure, beautiful things that my Lord delights in!
So, my friends…whatever you do…DON’T FOLLOW YOUR HEART! Instead, delight in the Lord!!
Lovey Dovey John?
As of late, I have been trying to memorize parts of scripture, and I found myself in 1 John 4. So as you can imagine, I have spent quite a bit of time writing and reading and just thinking about these passages. One day as I ‘studied’ it, I read a little around it…and it dawned on me. Man, this guy is obsessed with love! He’s talking about it all the time in 1 John…which I am assuming was written by John, right? 
Then I had a thought that maybe should have been obvious…but hit me pretty hard…
Wasn’t John known to be the disciple most intimate with Jesus?
Supposedly he is the one “whom Jesus loved.” He reclined with Jesus. Peter had some issues at one point, because he knew how John was loved and wondered if he wouldn’t have to suffer the same martyr’s death promised to himself. So obviously, he was pretty much the one closest to Jesus, right?
Was there something about him that drew Jesus to John? (I want Jesus to be drawn to me!)
Was it some sort of random decision? Or was there something more? Usually there is something in our best friends that draws us to them.
Could it simply be that Jesus was drawn to John because John was obsessed with love? He can’t seem to stop talking about it in 1 John! In fact, he says that whoever loves knows God. He knew Jesus better than any of the disciples. He loved. And he obviously knew that it was the key that got him so close to Jesus, and therefore, so close to God. He was obsessed with love…God is love….so in a way, he was obsessed with God. And so Jesus loved him and seemed to have a deeper relationship with him than any of the others.
This is what kills me. Its not just loving God. That in itself can be hard enough, but really…its pretty easy when you really think of how he loves us and all that he’s sacrificed and the pain he’s endured for something so much smaller and so unworthy. But John talks most about loving others. When we love one another, we know God, and abide in Him.
Ouch.
I say that above all I want to know Him. Am I willing to pay the price? Am I willing to love? Even those who break my heart or drive me insane or just make me mad?
Yes, yes…I say I want to know Him. But so often I (we?) act like it is this huge mysterious process of begging for it and working for it and finding it and having some sort of revelation or dream. Yeah, that may be part of it. But we have the road map right here, and its really not that complex (but really not that easy.) Just love.
God, would you teach me how to love?
1Jn 4:7-21 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
