Creeks, Wind, Jesus Dates, and Psalm 104
They say Your messengers are the winds,
Sometimes in a whisper, or loud in a torrent.
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I’ve felt it now, like never before,
It leaves me ruined for less, aching for more.
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As I hear from You, something rolls down my cheek;
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Is it simply the cold kissing my eyes, causing it to flow?
Is it a flake on my face, melting from the falling snow?
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Or could it be that You have taken me past words to where salt and water speak?
What Comes When Sleep Won’t
Sometimes at night I cannot sleep
It makes me want to feel; to breathe; to bleed
To go on long walks with You
And never again fear intimacy
.
These things You are bringing I have not earned
And the good Lord knows I do not deserve
Not good enough, not strong enough, not nearly responsible
Apparently trust in You is something I haven’t quite yet learned
.
Maybe some day I’ll understand grace
But right now I just want to desire to see Your face
So come give me an undivided heart
And dance with me to our secret place
I Found Something…
So I was going through the notes in my phone, and I found something short that I wrote right before the holiday break from Dibor…I think I started it in a worship service when the yearning was strong and the Spirit thick…
Like the earth is covered with the oceans and wind,
So You are filling this place with Your glory.
For once in my life I’m so glad I can’t swim,
So I can drown with You in this sea.
I don’t wanna leave….
Songs of Yverdon
I knew that our visit to the School of Worship in Switzerland was going to stretch me in uncomfortable ways…
Day 2 of class, Pastor Christopher informed us that we would be having a song assignment each day. Not just a little poem, but something with some sort of melody. And we had a time limit…and specific subject matter to do it on. SSSSSSTTTTTRRRRRREEEEEEETTTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCCHHHHHH.
The first day we were given this mission, I didn’t get much. It was supposed to be a song to the Lord, and though mine was addressing Him, it didn’t really fit in with the purpose. But it was what was on my heart and mind, and I couldn’t seem to get past it. So I wrote down some thoughts, then a little hook which was the only part I had any sort of melodic line for. Basically it was just my feelings coming out, and me rewriting a Psalm in a different perspective.
Oh God, my God
Why have I forsaken You?
Oh God, my God
Why do I refuse the good You do?
I must admit, I believe that the second day went a little better 
Unfortunately Pastor Christopher played us one of his original songs right before he gave us our assignment, and so the only melody in my head was his, so I believe it was very similar to his. Even more unfortunately, he had us sing our lyrics in the midst of worship later on, so as it was to the chords he was playing it was completely different and I lost the melody all together. But that is almost okay with me, so no one can make me sing it for them. Anywho, the day taking on an intercessory flavor, we were commissioned to write a song for Yverdon. So…here it is!
I see you there
You’re not alone
This empty place is not your home
There’s more than this
So scream it out
I’ll show you what its all about
.
There’s so much you have inside
But you just walk
But you just hide
In your silent streets
.
A darkness hangs
A shackle binds
But you can know a love that’s kind
Salvation’s here
Redeemer lives
Freely all of Him He gives
.
There’s so much you have inside
So now you laugh
So now you dance
In salvation’s streets
During Devotions
I like to call it Song of Hosea…because it is a mixture of the two books I was reading this morning.
Oh Beloved, Your bride longs for You
Strip away her flesh as You make all things new
Romance her damaged heart until she trusts again
Speak to her gently, teach her how to let love in
Call her by a name she’s never known before
No longer to be called Gomer, no longer to play the whore
The wilderness is calling; vows waiting to be said
At the door You stand knocking, let her arise from her bed
Draw her to run, a sacred holy dance
Oh Giver of Mercy, of yet another chance
In fear she returns, her head in the sand
And now is sustained by the love from Your hand
She’s starting to know a little like she’s known
Like a lily among brambles, a little love has grown
Beloved, arise now and take her all the way
So when You call her to the mountains, no fear will cause her to stay.
Ephesus
January 2006
This was while one of my churches was engaged in the “Divine Adventure…” It was a journey of humbling ourselves, repenting, and seeking His face…basically 2 Chronicles 7:14. However, I wrote this out of frustration…yes, probably anger; because my other church was against such things, and was journeying to a place that I believed was cheap grace. Repentance became an enemy. So in confusion and frustration I wrote this! It was a season of (hopefully) holy dissatisfaction.
They say we’re enough
They say He’s pleased
They call it grace
I call it apathy
They say He’s here
In an every-day anointing
If this is all there is
It’s terribly disappointing
They say to repent
Because of all my trying
They say that He’s proud
But what if He’s crying?
What has happened to the first love?
Does God smile from up above?
Does His great heart break every day?
Have we turned and looked away?
We hear “no faults, only grace”
But not “I’ll remove your lampstand from its place.”
I believe in His grace
I rely on His love
I see the sin
He saves me of
Now its an excuse
We’ve made a padded truth
We’ve formed a complacent
And comfortable youth
We’ve been called
To come and die
There’s more than this
So let me try
Irony
December 2006
This had music to it once. I wrote it (not the music, just words…someone else wrote the music) on my knees one night…partly inspired by Faith Enough by Jars of Clay…I was obsessing over paradoxes!
This peace disturbs
This silence screams
But if it brings me to my knees
This love, it kills
These thoughts confuse
Finally all of me I lose
This whisper disrupts
This grace alarms
But if it leaves me in Your arms
This is where I wanna be
Dwelling in Your irony
It’s alright, it’ll be okay
If with You, I will stay
The road is hard
The yoke is light
If You send fire by night
The unknown guides
The pain sets free
If You promise You won’t leave me
From rejection; trust
And beauty in tears
If You help me through my fears
This is where I wanna be
Dwelling in Your irony
It’s alright, it’ll be okay
If with You, I will stay
Though I may not understand
What’s going on, I’m in Your hand
So as I let You mess me up
I will simply try and learn to trust
Applejuice
November 2006
I had a friend whose code name was Applejuice. He was my little prayer burden boy. Though he was a little older than me, I knew that he had no Godly mother to pray him into the Kingdom, so I tried to take up the mantle. I haven’t heard from him in years, but pray that all those prayers years ago did some good!
You once told me your biggest fear
Was people missing you when you’re near
Treasured one, if you just tried
To open up those tired eyes
I think that you would finally see
That’s exactly how its come to be
Applejuice spilled on the floor
I don’t know you anymore
The mop may hurt, but in the end
It’s how you mend, you’ve got to mend
Your anger is getting in the way
It takes away your strength to pray
You once revealed a sad cliché
Surrounded, so alone anyway
I know it hurts, it hurts me too
There is a way to be brand new
Applejuice spilled on the floor
Please don’t run anymore
You know what I think, you know what I’d say
Redemption is found in His name
A Stirring
This is supposed to be a sonnet, but I don’t think I got the meter quite right. I didn’t try too hard In fact a lot of it doesn’t even technically rhyme, and its not amazingly and beautifully poetic….I even used a word that apparently doesn’t exist…but I just had stuff I wanted to say, so I did
I feel You calling, stirring, begging me
These things inside me ache and groan for You
I’m challenging all that I once called free
Cause what is freedom without knowing You?
At times I close my eyes and feel a stir
There’s so much more desire that I need
This life goes on; a feelingless big blur
I want to think of You just like I breathe
I feel You calling; “will you come away?”
I hate the way my head feels in this world
In my confusion, hear what I would say
I want to live in love with my good Lord
Behold something I do not want to fear
Just knowing You and growing ever near
Over Thinking
You ran oh, so far away
Finally got up the guts to step on that plane
You met freedom; smacked you face to face
So your heart is whole, its been replaced
But now that your dead heart beats again
You must deal with these feelings within
You’re attaching deeply, it foresees pain
Why must fear always come with gain?
Who knew you could fall in love with a group of people so fast?
They’re loving you back like never before, you long for it to last.
But because of the depth of your feelings; how desperately bad you miss each one,
You can only see one outcome, the setting of a sun.
Is loving deeply so horribly wrong?
Or are you simply filling a need, a hole that’s been there too long?
Is God rejoicing in this overwhelming new joy
Or are you using others like a fill-my-void toy?
You know you are longing for Christ today
And you’re tired of living in fear that loving deeply means getting it taken away.
So get on your knees child, let me hear you pray.
Your heart is whole again, but it can easily sway
Those feelings that you ran from are coming back strong
The arms length didn’t go slowly, it collapsed all at once
Now years’ worth of deficit is begging to be filled
These people surrounding you with their love has got you thrilled
I hate the confusion in your over-thinking little mind
All I can do is pray you deal with your love right this time
I don’t know how much of your loving is really okay
And I don’t know His policy on giving and taking away…
But I know that He’s worth trusting, so breathe at ease
Please, just let this disquiet and confusion cease.
